i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
