that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
