I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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