just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
