one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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