i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Randomize
