dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
