I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
