It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
