I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
