So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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