OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
