dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
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