I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
