1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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