at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
