I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
