Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
