Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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