Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
