I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
