For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
