And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
