Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
