I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
