I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
