two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
