remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
