tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
