barbara walters just said penis...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
