Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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