She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
