I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
