what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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