WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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