Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
