listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
