i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
