so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
