k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
