I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
