Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
