I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
