You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
