so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
