Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
