I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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