What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
