I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
