we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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