ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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